Location
Our highly-specified state-of-the-art shed facility is situated in the heart of a field outside Grimsby, miles from the nearest road.
By siting your servers in the middle of nowhere, you can be sure that terrorists will not be able to reach the facility by road! Indeed, we are
outstanding in our field.
Our 24-hour* security guard Bubba has been rented from the local heavies and doesn't speak a word of English. He doesn't even know what ID you're meant to have - so you won't be able to get in. And if you can't get in, that means terrorists can't either.
Power facilities are provided by twin redundant 13-amp plugs from the nearby farm. Short of a sheep tripping over the cable, your servers will stay online 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (current power uptime: 25 minutes).
Backup power is provided by rodents in wheels - yes you heard that right! Hannah the Hamster generates a full 2W of power a day, ensuring your power is still more reliable than Docklands.
But wait, there's more: even if the hamsters are asleep, our array of 12V secondhand car batteries is at your disposal!
Worried about air conditioning? We personally guarantee that there's lots of air in the datacentre, and it'll be swirling around a bit thanks to our fans. And don't worry about icicles hanging from your servers, we've closed all the windows so that your servers stay toasty warm.
* 24-hours in any one 365-day period.